just maybe

Maybe....if i do a mantra and keep saying this

                        Lord, keep my heart pure
                                  keep my thoughts pure
                                  keep my lips pure
                                  keep my ears pure
                                  keep my eyes pure
                      
but then...i wondered what would be next when u become pure, would i still be human then?
and then..i wondered, how hard it is to be pure in everything if u live in this world, it is way to easy to be a human
and just, as i was about to have a conclusion, another question popped out in my mind...:(

just thinking....

the other day i prayed....

Lord, put your arms around me and hold me tight
         I just need to feel extra loved today :(
         the cloud of despair and loneliness seems to be
         glooming all around me......and i
         I seems to be drowning in it

I think....today....i am gonna say the same prayer.

what i want to be for the rest of my life

I promised myself that i am gonna be a child forever
In my mind and in my heart i would always remain one

With the purest thoughts and with the purest intention of a child
that is how i would live my life

To love like a child.....
       not holding back.....no reserves.....and no precautions for the hurt that lies in the future
       To love with just one kind of love for every body.....no malice nor suspicion
To feel like a child....
        To feel each day as it pass....enjoying every minute of it in play
        To be carefree....jumping, flying and leaping always with a touch of happiness
To dream like a child....
        Where nothing is impossible and all dreams and wishes are reachable and attainable
To listen like a child....
         Listening with the heart and seeing the marvel and wisdom of what has been said
To be alive like a child...
         Feel happiness endlessly, laugh at the most silliest thing, and live life without care.

I would then remain as a child forever and not be corrupted by the ways of the world :)

One fine day :)

I had a lovely day today :) everything is perfect today.....i woke up with a smile in my face thinking what breakfast i could cook...went down the kitchen saw shirly and she offered to cook bacon and eggs and all i need to do was just help....hahahah....and all the bread i cooked from yesterday...that ensaymada   and cinamon...all gone today...well i ate most of it ....but who cares....i am on holiday....Watched my korean drama in youtube...This videos sure does make me laugh.....lol..... Then said hello to a friend who for a long time never spoke to me.....I enjoyed that most...reminded me of how i missed him and the good old days and the silliest things we talk about and laugh at....that was the cherry on top of the cake....came three o clock..new housemate came back from work....did karaoke and started drinking....then coffee before sleeping....(downers to uppers).  Then had a chat with a friend who is fed up today...i am quite sure he was just missing me.....and i did tell him soo....lol.....i think he was forced to agree cause he only smiled back....today was really light and fun...everyday should be a day like this.....sigh.....

just a realization.....

I was in birmingham yesterday with a good friend.  We were sitting down on one of the bencehes, chatting and having a smoke when a German named Brnt walked up and asked my friend where he came from.  It just happens it was India.  Brent started to talk about his journey in india, where he have been,  the places he has seen and how it has affected his views and his life.  He started talking about his conversion to christainity which is in the pentecostal sect and how he talks with passion about his belief in Jesus Christ.  He was inviting us on one of the sundays to join in and meet some of the people (which is multiculutral) telling us the direction...and i not found the heart to tell him that we are just visitors in birmingham...dont want to let him feel he has wasted his time on us...lol  And another interesting that happened is...a group of hindu people singing and playing worship songs in hindi passed by...which my friend explained is their way of showing reverence to God.  When i wnet home...i opened an email...telling me about the prediction of the 2012 of Sister Lucia and it was saying those who never had time for Jesus would never be saved....It got me thinking....i never had time for Jesus, never went to church, never said a prayer except for a quick one which is "are u not going to take me with you now"....I never really had time to have spiritual growth. 

So went to sleep, rested and woke up early....was chatiing with my sister about the trivial hurting things that occurs in being close to people and doing an online crossword....I suddenly realized ...that maybe we had time to grow our spiritual needs...not by going to church ...not by reciting prayers...not by revering the name of the Lord in public...but maybe we grow spiritually and emotionally by learning how to forgive and to love the people around you despite the hurt they have caused us.....Maybe for some people...they try to find God in other people and from oneself... as we continually search for the goodness within our own self and other people.

life cycle

I have totally forgotten about writing a blog until a good friend told me to do one...and i did...sort of promise to do it :)...So here i am :)

You see, i have been totally engrossed in watching this korean drama in youtube.  I dont know...it wiles away my time....it makes me laugh, it makes me cry and it makes me shout for joy and be in that state of wanting to be "in love"and it is a plus that i have a crush on the "hero" of the movie that i sometimes want to curse that lady on the drama and be her instead....lol.  I still got a few more episodes to watch and i really cant wait to see what the ending would be that i sometimes sacrifice 2 hours of my sleeping state just to keep watching.  But then when it is all finish, i get depress cause now it has ended and that daydream and"being in love" state would also be finish :(. 
  I would then have to look for another drama and the cycle would begin all over again :)....IT is just funny how life just works...:)  It just goes round and round....You begin where u end and u end with where u begin....I guess i can say this about most of life's event....Everything in circle...tata for now :)

my first day in blogging

This is the day i would start writing a  blog.....but what does one write on ones blog? Your mind is just a complete blank.. thinking of something interesting to write ..but what...?  Won't stress myself out in writing a blog...anyways...this is just the beginning and besides this is suppose to be fun and suppose to be an outlet of one;s creatiity ...helloooo... :)  I'll end my very first effort in blog writing here and try again tomorrow :)......Maybe tomorrow i won use "writing a blog" redundantly anymore ....haha




...